Birch Sap Mead Failed

So I'm walking out of the undergrowth wearing gardening gloves and holding a black bin bag gingerly. When a Garda car cruises past, The Garda inside takes a quick look at me. The car darts into the next turn off. So now I have to firstly get myself looking less like someone cleaning up after a murder secondly decide what to tell them when they started asking awkward questions.


For some reason my outfit looked suspicious...


Artists impression

5 minutes earlier I got back to the birch tree and found the tube for the sap had fallen out. I must not have put it in deep enough and I think I put it in too low. I examined the tree and the demijohn and there was very little evidence of sap for either of them. So I sealed up the trunk with mud and decided to try again with another tree in a week. It is very important you seal up any hole you make or you risk injuring the tree.

Anyway police in Dublin 15 are like hens teeth. A busload of orphans could be set on fire by Osama Bin Ladin and they would not send a car out. So I was a tad unlucky with them seeing me. Whenever I lie my life turns into an episode of curb your enthusiasm but the problem is "I was drilling a hole in a tree to make booze out of the sap" is the sort of truth that makes you sound like you are 1. mad 2. talking in code 3. lying.

So the Garda car has done a rapid u-turn and is passing me at 5kph. I am no longer wearing murderer gloves and a pikey hat, also I'm trying to look nonchalant as you can holding a black bin bag. Luckily even in a French secret service polo neck I must not to much like an axe wielding maniac so they just sped up and headed off.

The recipe I plan to use is similar to the one in "First steps in winemaking" by cjj berry
3.5 Liters of Birch Sap
.5 liters of water
Juice of 1 Lemon
1 tea spoon of yeast nutrient
Wine Yeast (What would you recommend?)
Honey. Most recipes say a kilo to kilo and a half of sugar. So I plan to use 2 kilos of honey.

Any suggestions on the recipe? Or indeed on how to avoid being arrested while out gathering food?